Why Your Team Sucks 2013: Dallas Cowboys

Some people are fans of the Dallas Cowboys. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Dallas Cowboys. This 2013 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the 2013 NFL previews right here. Your team: Dallas Cowboys Your 2012 record: 8-8. Your coach: Jerry Jones. I know that the team lists "Jason Garrett" as the head coach, but come on, now. Jason Garrett had his balls cut off and placed in a saddlebag the day he was hired. The title of "head coach" is strictly a ceremonial one in Dallas. The Double J coaches the team, and pissboys like Jason Garrett are left to handle the tedious work of attending press conferences and icing the Cowboys kicker. Do you think Garrett had any say in whisking poor old Monte Kiffin away from his shuf…